Friends, Hokies, Countrymen – we have heard your cries and curses.  Where’s my Hokie Update?  Where is the vitriol?  The indignation?  Where is the massive irrelevancy?  We understand your concern and are grateful for those of you who feared we were either no longer alive or institutionalized pursuant to court order.  The answer, of course, is (c) all of the above.

But can you really blame us?  There is a lot going on.  Britney Spears was on Glee for crying out loud.  And there is the Ryder Cup.  Golfers playing other golfers in a format that even they don’t understand?  Genius.  Plus, the British tabloids get to abuse Tiger.  We had to find out how the whole Jeff and Britta thing would resolve itself.  The Irish banking system is on the verge of collapse.  How will they buy beer?  And we are learning to knit.  It’s a lot harder than you think.  So cut us a little slack would you?  It’s almost as if you’ve forgotten that we lost to a I-AA team!  Fun fact, did you know, Va. Tech might actually be the first team to ever lose to two national champions in the same season?  Did you know, JMU is only ranked #3 in Division I-AA (apparently beating us doesn’t carry the same street cred it used to)?  Did you know, they are one spot behind Appalachian State….a team we have to play next year?

The truth is we just don’t know what the hell to write.  This is the most confusing football team we’ve ever been involved with.  We are very, very slowly allowing ourselves to care again, but every time we do, we walk into T-Coast and the bartender makes us say “I’m JMU’s bitch” before he will serve us a beer.  Not to mention the four chicks next door who just recently discovered that JMU has a football team and that they own a 4×8 JMU flag that alternates between its proper place hanging from their porch and its improper place of serving as a cover to protect the hood of our car from morning dew.

With last week’s 19-0 shutout of Boston College, we’ve gently put our Pinky and the Brain toe back into the water of belief that maybe, just maybe, if we wish real hard, we could actually be ranked again one day……which is usually right about when Lucy pulls away the football and everything goes to crap.

Just A Few Random Questions

When are Virginia’s liquor stores going private?  Because the limited supply of bourbon available in the state run stores will not be enough if we lose this weekend.

Do you think somewhere Sean Glennon is laughing his ass off?

Does anyone else think Stiney does this dance right before he calls a play that really pisses you off?

How many more times can we really ask Bud Foster to carry the entire program?

What the hell is going on at UVA?

So, here is the situation Hokie fans.  At 3:30 Saturday, we take on N.C. State.   They beat Western Carolina, Central Florida and Cincinnati before upsetting Ga. Tech last week, a win that both exposed the imminent and inevitable collapse of the Bumble Bee’s program and inexplicably got State ranked (which is as much of a statement about the affairs of the ACC as anything else).  Suddenly, yet again, another game that should have been an easy win for us is of epic importance.  So much so, that it is on ABC.  The Wolfpack irritate us.  Partially because we can’t figure out if wolfpack is singular or plural, but primarily because they beat us by that crap-ass missed field goal years ago.  OK, actually it is because some sorority girl there put her two middle fingers to her thumb and said “look, isn’t it cute, it is a little wolf” and the idiot frat boy trying to hook up with her (read: us) told her “yes it is” and now they all do it.  Hand mascot gestures are stupid, unless you go to school in Texas (yes, this includes our fans who attempt to make a dumbass VT whenever ESPN happens to pan to their section).  Get over it.

Defensively, Bud Foster has yet again proven to be the only thing keeping our program out of Conference USA.  How many more times can we expect to say to Bud, listen we are just going to score 9, 10 points, that’s enough, right?  And have him go, no problem, I will create a brand new defensive scheme (we have started using a 30 defense and a nickel package) that will shutout our opponents, just keep kicking field goals, the defense will score the rest of the points for you.  It has just gotten laughable at this point.  Although, we only have ourselves (and Coach Beamer’s admirably foolish loyalty to a guy who has no business running an offense) to blame for believing it would be different.  The offensive problem is partially play calling and partially execution.  Both are the coordinator’s fault.  Well, that and the simple fact that he runs the offense the way we play EA Sports.  It’s in the game.  When for the better part of a decade your offense has been consistently ranked somewhere between Pretty Bad and Complete and Utter Joke, it might be time to see if Ricky Bustle wants to come back.

State has a good QB in Russell Wilson and the key to the game will if our defense can slow down their offense and force big mistakes that put us in position to score because our offense isn’t going to be able to take over the game.  It still stinks.  We are consistently struggling moving the football and controlling the game from the offensive side.  State’s defense likes to pressure and make big plays.  They have outstanding linebackers.  And our running game remains weak when it counts – obvious running situations.  We must be able to run the ball on first and second down.  Ryan Williams is out again this week, but who our running back is doesn’t matter.  They are all three good.  If our offensive line starts executing, we will run the ball well and that will open up a basic, effective passing game.  If we keep facing 2^nd and long, we will continue to struggle.

The good news is that our defense is getting better more quickly than even Foster could imagine.

The story of this game is two teams with momentum.  N.C. State has it everywhere.  They are undefeated, and if they win this game at home, they have the chance to be a really good team.  Our defense has some swagger now.  They believe for the first time that they are a Va. Tech defense, and they have learned what that really means….it’s all up to you, the cavalry isn’t coming.

We know this isn’t what you are looking for and we’re sorry.  We are supposed to tell you everything is going to be OK.  And it might.  But for that to happen, our offense has to get its head out of its ass, start playing with some heart, and smash the hell out of opposing defenders.  We already know the defense is going to.  Bud Foster won’t have it any other way.

Va. Tech 20, N.C. State 17.

I believe.