The good news is there are only ten days until basketball season. The bad news is that we will probably lose to UNC in that, too. This sucks. Our loss last Thursday was a full scale ultra-embarrassment. We were again punished by an inferior team. We again had ample scoring opportunities and wasted them all. We again played poorly on defense in the second half. And what makes it worse is that North Carolina and Ga. Tech are nothing alike. We were dominated by two completely different types of teams on two consecutive weeks. And now it is gameday, and we get to do it all over again. The Carolina game left us wondering just what the hell is wrong with this football team? Oddly, we never really thought we were going to lose until the Ryan Williams fumble. But make no mistake, we played horribly. And if we keep playing like that, we will lose several more games this season. Side note, we aren’t even bowl eligible yet. There is plenty of blame to go around. The offense is consistently inconsistent, and the defense is just not that stellar. Could we please just score a few damn touchdowns? The only good thing that came out of last week was Beamer’s decision to kick a damn field goal. That cut the lead to four, then we scored a TD to take the lead, and at that point you had to think we were going to win. Even at 17-17, we were pretty sure Tyrod would lead us to victory. We could go on for hours about the bad play calling and the mediocre defense (let’s face it, our linebackers suck and that’s really the problem….that and Chancellor’s general overratedness, and some key injuries (Graves, Virgil)). But we aren’t because we just don’t have the energy. So now we go on the road to East Carolina for a Thursday night game. Road out of conference Thursday night games are just plain stupid. Even more so late in the season. We are so confused why we scheduled this that we can’t even bring ourselves to make fun of their ridiculous pirate-out. And that’s a crying shame because we hate ECU. Their mascot is a purple pirate who waves a yellow plastic sword. A pirate-out? Really? What the hell? This isn’t minor league baseball, Pirates. You’re embarrassing yourself and whatever Division I-AA conference you play in. This is so absurd we’ve codenamed it Project Stupid. Thinking about the ECU Pirate and how much it annoys us brought up an interesting discussion at TF HQ last night: is the Pirate a wannabe Cavalier or is the Cavalier a wannabe Pirate? The both wear silly hats, they both dress like idiots, they both wave plastic swords, and they both annoy the crap out of us. Things That Annoy Us More Than The ECU Pirate Pirate gear made of foam (see, e.g. morons waving yellow foam swords) Skip Holtz Lou Holtz Lou Holtz’s mumbling Eye patches Peg legs Parrots Parrots with eye patches and peg legs Blouses with puffy sleeves Hammer pants Eye makeup Johnny Depp Edward Scissorhands Hooks for hands Holding hands It’s A Small World After All People who sing It’s A Small World After All You (for singing it) People who say “arrrgh” People who tell bad pirate jokes How does a pirate get his mast up? He uses a wench! Why would a pirate be afraid of a woman? He’s afraid he will get hooked on her! Why did the pirate make everyone stand at the back of the ship? Because he was being very stern! What does a pirate call his friends in the military? Arrrrrgh me, maties! Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C! Bandanas Silly mustaches Long John Silver’s Clam strips and hushpuppies Ok, not hushpuppies Well, not the food hushpuppies Shoe hushpuppies Muppets Jugs marked XXX Getting punts blocked Signing a 99-year series against ECU Here’s our game preview: Win. We have to win. We have to win impressively. If not, we risk another 2003, and no one should have to suffer through two seasons like that in the same decade. As you may or may not recall, depending on how much bourbon you used to block it out, the 2003 season (coming off our historic 2002 Walnut Bowl Championship) opened with us ranked #9. At 6-0 we climbed to #3 before being humiliated by WVU 28-7 on a Wednesday night road game that makes the Top 10 Most Pissed Us Off Losses Of All-Time. After an incredible rebound 31-7 win over #2 Miami the following week, we lost our remaining five games, in increasingly embarrassing fashion. OK, technically, we only lost four out five, but none of the losses were as humiliating as the sole victory in that stretch, a 24-23 win over Temple in which the Owls missed an extra point in OT to hand us the game. While the record books count that as a win, no self-respecting fan should. In that tailspin, the defense collapsed and we couldn’t stop anyone. Things aren’t that bad this year, but our offense isn’t as good as it was that year either. So, that’s it. There isn’t anything to say about this game except pirates are stupid and we have to win. Va. Tech 14, East Carolina 6. I am very, very hopeful and cautiously optimistic. Copyright 2009 by Long John Peter. What’s in your wallet? All rights reserved. |
